Oscar Wilde said that "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." I guess blog-dom is my mask, and these are my truths.
Cast of Characters (for all the world's a stage, and the men and women merely my players...)
Adoptive Big Sister- Old boss and older sister I never had Baby Brother- possibly secret MI6 operative. Quite lazy. Child A: Eldest of my child-minding charges. Pretty okay. Child B: Younger of my child-minding charges. Pain in the neck. Crazy Jane- Fellow X-Bike user. Crazy, as suggested by the name. Director of Operations- mums eldest sister and very bossy. Doctor Nasty- she says I am overweight. Cow. Ex-Best-Friend- self explanatory Harry- The dog. Westie. Bit of a pouf. Hermione- My cat, who is just like her mum (a differe colours and a bit too vocal for the majority) Mama- queen of comedy. Mr SexyBack- The Boyfriend's best friend and Peter Kay sound-a-like. Nanna- Mum's mum. New Dad- post consumption of huge amounts of humble pie. Now dances in kitchen to Girls Aloud Nice Auntie- mum's twin sister. Lovely. Old Dad- when he wore a suit and was a bit of a twat Olivia- best friend. Fellow Gemini. Lifeline. Pickle- the rabbit. Ringleader of our pack of animals, but the smallest. Rose- Mama's cat. Bow-legged but beautiful. Named after mama's best friend. Sober Auntie- twin of Verbose Auntie. Sensible. The Boyfriend- read: only boy for me Verbose Auntie- Twin to Sober Auntie. Talks lots. Very Tall Friend- seriously, like nearly seven foot!
I don't like being talked about, but I love a bit of gossip I have an unhealthy obsession with mashed potato I cannot sneeze when I have got my glasses on I want to live where the weather suits my clothes: in the sunshine I do not think I would like to raise my children in the U.K. My first child will be called Clementine, but 'Lucy' when she visits my mum I have travelled the world many times over but still get homesick My doctor says that I am overweight. I am a size twelve. I only wear Chanel nail polish I am the least sociable person I know I dislike rude people- smile! It costs nothing. Every time I go into a church, I cry I say Liberal, but vote Conservative I think everybody is, to a greater or lesser extent, bisexual I have a deep-rooted hatred of businessmen in suits I am a vegetarian I only drink French wine It takes two glasses of wine to get me drunk